“Damn it, Tucker, watch where you’re goin’ next time. I don’t like ya, Tucker.Ya don’t belong here. You’re not from OUR school. I’m goin’ to make it my job to run your candy lily white ass outta here. I’m not the only one that doesn’t like ya. If ya know what’s good for ya you’ll drop outta here. We don’t need your type here.”

With that he walked away from me and several other recruits in the bathroom just laughed at me. I got up and left the bathroom feeling like I was about to cry. I avoided Mike and Mark and went behind my rack and sat down on the floor facing the wall.

Now what do I do? Do I tell Sergeant Brooks – or Mike? I can’t do that. Then I’ll be a tattletale. Maybe I should just leave! I could call up Danny and his dad can pick me up. Why does everyone hate me? I can’t let people get to me. I must be strong! If I let them get to me everyone else wins and I lose. My dad wins. Jefferson wins and I’m the big loser. I have to keep this to myself. I can’t let it show. Oh god, I’m crying. I can’t let them see me cry!

I wiped my tears with my sleeve and got out my journal. I hadn’t had time to fill in my journal the day before so I did two days worth of writing. By the time I got to what happened in the bathroom I’d calmed down. I found writing it all down really helped me organize my thoughts. I decided that no real harm was done and I thought about how Mark had handled the company commander the day before. I remembered what Capt. Wright had said about giving bullies a choice of leaving or going a couple of rounds with Mark and that brought a smile to my face.

The rest of the week went by very slow and very fast at the same time. It seemed to take forever as we went through the routine of the day and yet before I knew it Friday had arrived. I didn’t tell anyone about what happened with recruit Jefferson and I mostly kept to myself. Mike was a great help. He made sure he spent at least 15 minutes a day to just talk with me. If Mike and I didn’t already have a boy friend I’d go for it. I know it wouldn’t work because he’s older than me and lives in another state but I do really like him. I really feel good about the progress I’ve made this week despite the threats I encountered. Not only am I in good shape, but I feel I’m better able to defend myself. More importantly I’ve learned how to save lives and learned many valuable things.

At 3:00 PM I once again received my paycheck and we were released for the weekend. We had to change the little batteries on our ring or bracelet before we left. Then we got on the train to take us home. I’d talked with Danny several times during the week and we decided to spend the weekend together with Mike and Mark at our apartment. Next weekend will be a three day weekend with the 4^th of July weekend so next week we’re going to try to organize a camping trip. The train ride seemed to take forever once again. When we got off the train, Danny and his folks were waiting for us right outside the door so there was no dramatic moment with Danny and me running into each other. We did hug and I also hugged his parents. 

Mr. and Mrs. Smith dropped all of us off at our apartment along with Danny. We were too tired to go anywhere so we just ordered pizza. We all took a shower and changed into shorts and T-shirts. The pizza arrived and quickly disappeared as only the parents of teenage boys can understand. It was more like inhaled. When we were about finished Mark spoke up.

“I’m very proud of you, Tommy. You showed what kind of mettle you’re made of this week. And I’m not talking about how many pushups you did or how much you learned. I’m talking about what kind of person you are. We know about what happened in the head (bathroom) between you and Jefferson on Monday and have had our eye on you and him all week.”

“How did you find out?”

“Sergeant Brooks told us. We haven’t gotten into advanced surveillance, yet but we will. You are being watched all the time - even now. It’s important not to worry about all that and just be yourself. Jefferson was just being himself and in time will be dealt with. You didn’t let it get you down. You didn’t try to fight back. You didn’t tell on your fellow recruit. You did all the right things. That’s why I’m proud of you. When I was your age I’d have probably had to bend his nose.”

“When I was your age I’d of left and gone home to my mom and dad,” stated Mike.

“That’s one of the reasons I stayed. I don’t really have a mom and dad to go to anymore.”

“What happened?” asked Danny.

“Someone tried to bully me – it was nothing.”

“That’s not what Sergeant Brooks said. He told us today for the first time that he felt you are going to make a good undercover cop. Up to this point he felt that you might be able to complete the training but you would never be able to handle the stress of undercover work. He changed his mind because of the way you handled yourself this week. Consider this. How much stress will you be under when you go back to your dad’s High School and you are outted in front of the whole school by him? Will you break or stand strong and do your job? You’ll have to turn the other cheek. Just take it. Unless you want all the bigots of your world to win you need to be strong, Tommy.”

“I guess I really hadn’t considered that. I’ve been so busy trying to make it through the training I haven’t really considered what will happen afterwards. The last few weeks I’ve learned to close my mind to everything else going on and just focus on what I’m doing right now. Right after that happened I felt really sorry for myself but then I forced myself to write in my journal. When I was finished with it I felt much better. The rest of the week I kept busy and kind of stayed to myself. My dad taught me to dislike different groups of people but now I’m in one of the groups my dad hates. I feel he’s probably wrong about most other people too.”

“You’ll find that there are both good and bad people in any group of people, Tommy. It doesn’t matter what race, religion, country, sexual orientation, or background. What scares everyone is someone they don’t understand. If someone shows you hate and you show them love in return it will scare them. When someone shows them hate they only know how to show hate back. Mike has also had a few problems with some of the other recruits - mainly name-calling. So far he’s chosen to ignore it. Mike came here mainly to be with me. Then it took on new meaning when we decided to help you. When you go back to school this fall, Mike is going to be your main partner. I’ll be trying to infiltrate the group that is causing all the trouble. You will both need to be able to handle name-calling without letting it get to you. Not only could you lose your temper but your cover too. Not all of the tests you will receive in training will be the normal type of test. This week your character was tested, Tommy, and you passed. However, keep in mind that the testing has not stopped just because you’re home. I think you’ll find several recruits gone on Monday as a result of their actions this weekend,” explained Mark.

“I’m totally lost,” stated a bewildered Danny.

“Let’s go for a walk and I’ll explain it all to you, Danny. Then you can tell me about your week too.”

We went out the door and walked around the jogging trail.

“I really missed you this week, Danny. We were told on Monday that we’re not to bully each other. We were also told not to tell on each other. On Tuesday one of the recruits knocked me on the ground and threatened me. I wasn’t really scared but it really affected me. It’s still bothering me. After losing my home and being rejected by my parents the least little rejection really gets to me. I was ready to call you and leave but I calmed down. I wrote it all down in my journal and that really seemed to help me. The rest of the week I just kept to myself. I feel like an outsider. I really hope this week is better. It looks from what Mark said that everything will work itself out. That’s what we were talking about a few minutes ago. It was really one big test and I passed.”

“I know how you feel, Tommy. I’ll be starting in a new school soon where I’ll be an outsider too. I was really worried until I met Rick and Bill. We really had a good time this week. We roller-bladed, skateboarded, played basketball, went swimming, and just talked. We got to know each other well. I know that they love each other but it’s different than you and me. I think that Rick is gay and Bill is straight. Rick looks at Bill the way we look at each other. Bill doesn’t seem to notice. Bill is always talking about some girl and Rick never brings up the subject of girls. The subject of gays only came up once all week. We saw this guy with purple hair and a bunch of earrings and Bill commented that he must be gay. I asked him if that bothered him and he said just one less guy to compete with when it came to finding girls. I made eye contact with Rick and he just looked away from me and stared at the ground. He didn’t say anything. Bill’s going away with his mom this weekend and I asked Rick if he wanted to get together with us this weekend and hang out or something. He really seemed to like the idea so perhaps we can get him to open up.”

“I’m really glad to hear you made some friends, Danny. I can’t stand the thought of you sitting home all week with nothing to do. I'd like very much to spend some time with Rick this weekend. By the way, Bill’s dad knows about us.”

“Omigod, he does, and he still don’t mind us hanging out with his son?”

“Actually he was pretty cool about it. He just told me to keep it to ourselves. He doesn’t want us encouraging his son or showing signs of affection when Rick and Bill are around us. If you’re right he’ll be glad to hear that there is nothing going on between his son and Rick. He kind of felt there was something going on between them. You never know. Bill could just be putting up a front. My parents didn’t know about us until Dad found that letter. If they’re a couple I’m happy for them. If they’re just friends I’m happy for them too. I’m just glad that they are keeping you company, Danny.”

“Rick’s parents are planning on dropping him off here tomorrow morning. I wanted to check with you first. I didn’t think you would mind.”

“No, that’s fine. There are lots of things for us to do around here. I’m sure we’ll have fun. We still have tonight, tomorrow night, and Sunday to spend together.”

“Dad’s working Saturday again and Mom started her job this week and said she’s tired. I think that they’ll be happy to have some time alone this weekend. Next weekend we all have a three-day weekend and they really want to take us camping. They said that Mike, Mark, or Bill and Rick can come if they want.”

“Mike and Mark said that they wanted to go camping too. I asked them after you said something on the phone about it last time we talked about it. Let’s head back to the apartment, Danny. I’ve been on my feet all week and I’m tired.”

We went back in the apartment and found that Mike and Mark had already gone to bed. We watched a movie and cuddled in each other’s arms. I think I can endure just about anything as long as I get to see Danny. We ended up falling asleep on the couch. I woke up about 2 AM and woke up Danny too. I turned off the TV and we went to bed.

I guess I needed some extra sleep because we didn’t get up until 9 AM the next morning. Mark and Mike were gone and left a note saying that they had gone to the store for some food. We took a shower together and looked like prunes by the time we got out. Mark and Mike were also home by the time we got dressed. I helped Mike and Mark make some lunch. Danny called Rick and invited him over. As soon as we finished lunch, Rick showed up. Mike and Mark decided that they were going to watch a movie so Rick, Danny, and I went to play some tennis at the court on the grounds of the apartment complex. Danny and I played double against Rick. He’s very good. He beat us two out of three sets.

Let me tell you about Rick. He’s fairly tall for a 14-year-old. Almost 5’ 10” tall with black hair and blue eyes. He weighs about 140 pounds but doesn’t look at all fat. He’s 14 like Danny and me. After playing tennis we got thirsty and decided to go back to the apartment. We didn’t knock first like we probably should have. We just came running in the front door. Danny and I kept going into the kitchen to get something to drink, but Rick stopped in mid stride. Mike and Mark had fallen asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. The look on Rick’s face was priceless. His mouth hung open and his eyes bulged right out of his eye sockets. Danny came back into the living room and raised a finger to his lips. Then he led Rick to the kitchen and I got him something to drink. Neither Mike nor Mark had woken up so we made our way with our drinks back outside.

"Omigod, I don’t believe I just saw that,” exclaimed Rick. “I can’t believe that Mark is like…gay. Mike I can understand but Mark is such a jock.”

“What makes you think they’re gay, Rick? They just fell asleep while sitting together and ended up in each other's arms. I assure you it’s all innocent,” I replied, trying to sound sincere.

“I’m not stupid, Tommy. Bill and I are close too but we never fell asleep in each other’s arms.”

“Would it bother you if they were?”

“I guess I really haven’t thought about it. I know sometime guys my age play around and stuff but that’s different than being gay.”

If what Danny told me last night is true, then Rick seems to be in denial. It’s probably better if I tell him as little as possible and get him to answer his own questions. Good thing I learned some integration techniques this week.

“Have you ever played around with another guy, Rick?”

“NO.”

“Not even with Bill?”

“NO.”

“Have you ever thought about it? Have you ever looked at a guy and thought he was cute?”

“Yea, I’ve had thoughts like that. I told my dad about it and he said that’s normal at my age and doesn’t mean I’m gay.”

“What about girls, Rick? Do you look at them and get excited?”

Rick remained silent and just stared at the ground. Finally he opened up. “Now that you mention it, Bill is always pointing out this girl or that girl, saying how cute they look and I just don’t seem to see the same thing he does. I know I’m supposed to be attracted to girls but I guess that just hasn’t hit me yet.”

“Have you ever been in love, Rick?”

“I’m not sure I know what you mean?”

“For example, Bill is out of town. Do you find yourself missing him or are you just as comfortable just hanging out with us?”

“I do miss him. I seem to be thinking about him more and more lately.”

“Rick, I hardly know you. Danny has gotten to know you quite well, he tells me. I have to tell you that your honesty is refreshing. I’d be proud to have you as a best friend. I think you need to be honest with yourself too. What if you never find girls attractive?”

“Then I guess that would make me gay too.”

“No, that would make you Rick. You are what you are and you can’t change that. You also can’t try to be someone you’re not. I mean you can try but the only one you’re going to fool is yourself. Like I said, I like you already because of your honesty. Who you find attractive doesn’t change the type of person you are. So I ask you again, now that you’ve thought about it. Would it bother you if Mark and Mike are gay?”

“Seeing as how for all I know I might be gay myself I guess it wouldn’t bother me. I like them already. Are they gay?”

“You’ll have to ask them that yourself, I can't speak for them. Any other questions?”

“Actually I have lots of questions. Like how did you get in the police-training program for the city of Chicago when you don’t even live in Chicago? How did you hook up with Mark and Mike? Where do you go from here? Just how close are you and Danny? I was honest with you.”

“I’m working on an undercover case for the State Police. That case is not happening in Chicago. Someone close to me is also involved in the case and that’s why they chose me. Mark and Mike will also be involved in the case. From here I go back home. Danny and I have been best friends ever since I can remember. That’s as much as I can tell you at this time. I can tell you that I’m really happy that you have made friends with Danny.”

“It’s not just me – Bill likes to hang out with him too. He’s told us both all about you this week and some of the stories from when you were kids. I really hope you can move up here after you finish whatever it is you have to do. It is almost 5:00 and my dad should be by to pick me up in a few minutes. Let’s go say goodbye to Mike and Mark before I leave. Don’t tell them what I saw. I don’t want to embarrass them – okay?”

“Sure, Rick – we won’t say anything to them.”

We went in the apartment so Rick could say goodbye to Mike and Mark. We knocked on the door before entering this time. Rick didn’t let on at all about his earlier revelation. Shortly after that, Rick’s dad picked him up. Mark and Mike had picked up some porterhouse steaks for dinner and some charcoal. There's a grill built into the back porch. Mark got the fire ready while we worked together fixing baked potatoes, corn on the cob, and salad. Mike told us what to do, seeing as neither one of us could cook. Mark then cooked our steaks and when everything was finished I felt we did a real good job for a bunch of teenagers.

We didn’t tell Mike or Mark about our talk with Rick. We did talk about when each of us first realized that we were gay. Danny’s and my experience seems to be unique. We never felt different or unnatural. At least until my parents found out. Danny and I realized that we were gay and in Love at about the same time. I think Rick never really did think about it. Perhaps he didn’t want to think about it. Perhaps Bill is gay too and just pretending to be straight. I’m just glad that Danny has some friends now. I have some friends now too. I hope everything works itself out. I can’t stand the thought of losing Danny again.