The Big Picture Chapter 6

A special thanks to Ed for editing this chapter.

And to William F. Laegler for Content Editing.

1972

People say that the more things change, the more things stay the same. I'm not sure that I agree with that. When a young boy becomes a teenager there is no turning back.

Dad has a new job. He no longer works for Caro State Hospital. He is now working for Community Hospital as a Psychiatric Social Worker. Mom also has a new job. She was teaching 2nd grade in Carrollton but now she is teaching music. Both my parents are happy with their new jobs.

Our Boy Scout troop number 363 goes on a winter outing. We arrive and there is 4 feet of snow on the ground. The Boy Scout leader is named Dick Singer. He is a member of the same religion as my mother. His wife is a very close friend of my mother. It's a father-son campout and my dad stays the first night. He doesn't get any sleep so he goes home after the first night. We are all sleeping in the same cabin and some of the guys are pretty loud.

We get up and have breakfast. Dad leaves for home. He says he'll be back to pick me up tomorrow. There is another scout about my height in the troop. The older scouts force us to run back and forth in front of a wall while they throw snowballs at us. It is humiliating. Later we have boxing matches. I am paired up with the other scout my height - neither one of us wins. The boxing gloves are so big it is like getting hit with a pillow. Between rounds Dick Singer gives me a back rub. It feels soooooooo good. After lights out I fall right asleep.

The next day I decide to get my tracking merit badge. I follow another scout through the woods.

It's pretty easy with four feet of snow. He cuts through a stream, trying to fool me so I follow. Water pours into my boot. By the time I get back to the cabin my boot is frozen on my foot. Dad is there to take me home. I put my foot under the heater of the car until I can take off my boot. Then I warm my foot up. My foot really hurts as it heats up but I suffer no frostbite. Dad is not happy.

School is nothing special and I do just enough to pass my classes. I manage to stay out of trouble at school -- no more fights or spankings. After summer vacation I'll be in the 7th grade.

Right after school we head out Interstate 80 and go to visit my Auntie Alma and Uncle Arnold. Their family moved to Cheyenne, Wyoming. That is far closer than California. Glenn and I pick up our friendship right where we left off. My dad buys me some firecrackers and Glenn and I spend our time blowing up stuff. It's fun to put firecrackers under tin cans and watch then fly up in the air.

My cousin Lee Ann comes to visit us for two weeks. I introduce her to all my friends and we have lots of fun together. I made friends with Matt Strzyinski, and he hangs out with Danny Wagner, and Don Wruck. We all play with my cousin Lee Ann.

Our troop is going on a hike. Dad says he is going to go with me again. The plan is to hike across the state in one day with each troop covering a part of the trail. We are covering about 6 miles of the trail. At least that is what the scoutmaster tells us. We go up north and start our hike early in the morning. I'm carrying a backpack and water canteen. We're in the woods and we go up hills and down hills. We stop for several breaks. It takes us forever to get to our campsite. Then we are informed that the hike was 20 miles and not just 6. I have just enough energy to put up my tent. I packed some canned chicken for dinner but don't have the energy to heat it up. It tastes so good. Dad had a big blister on the bottom of his foot. Everyone was whining. Shortly after that hike I tell my dad that I'm going to quit Boy Scouts. I get no argument from him.

After summer vacation I start the 7th grade. I'm in a different gym class than the other kids in my class. I'm not real happy about it. It is like a special education class. It has all the fat and small kids. I'm both fat and small so I fit right in. I qualify for advanced band class but I can't attend because it is 1st period just like gym class.

My 13th birthday is nothing special and no surprise birthday parties this year. I get a .22 rifle with a scope for my birthday.

I notice that most of the other boys are maturing faster than I am. I have science class in school and the teacher teaches sex education with the girls and boys together. There are lots of giggles. The teacher tells us that boys playing around with other boys is normal and it doesn't mean that they are homosexuals. That makes me feel better. I do like girls but I also like to play around with boys.

Middle School is quite different from Elementary School. In Elementary School we had one teacher all day. Now we have a different teacher for each class. I have typing class and I think I'm in love with my teacher. She is so cute.

I have a job! Our paperboy is quitting and I get the job! Now I'm going to make money for myself. I deliver papers on our street after school and in the early mornings on weekends. I'm going to do my very best to make this job work.

I join Book of the Month Club. I get 5 books for one penny and then I need to buy 5 more books at full price. The book I really wanted is 'Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask,' by Doctor David Reuben. The books arrive and I manage to hide the one I don't want my parents to see. Don't ask me why I'm embarrassed by it because I don't know. My dad had a sex talk with me but I still don't feel comfortable talking to my parents about sex. It's a good book. It talks all about perverts and masturbation and stuff like that. I have discovered masturbation and it's lots of fun. But afterward I feel guilty. The Bible says it's a sin, but everyone does it. I guess that is why I feel guilty.

It's the end of another year. The holidays are great. I get a bullet trap so I can shoot my gun in the basement. I'm about 5' tall now but my voice has not changed yet.

1973

My dad asks me go to church with him. My jaw drops and hits the floor. Dad has never asked me to go to church. He met this preacher at work and he invited him. It's an Assembly of God church. The service is a lot like other services I had been to except for one thing. The Preacher makes it sound as if he is talking to me. The Pastor's name is Rev. Bradley. I feel dirty. I feel like a sinner. When he finishes preaching he says all you need to do to be saved from your sins is come up front. I get up and walk to the front. He says that all I need to do to be saved is say a prayer with him. So I do and I dedicate my life to Jesus. Then he says something weird. He says that the Father and I have a very special relationship. I remember what happened to me five years earlier when God told me, 'As it was, so again it shall be.' For five years I have been suppressing that revelation. Then he tells me this Bible verse, 1 John 1:9. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

I start going to church more than I ever have before. There is church Sunday morning and Sunday night. We also go Wednesday night. Also some weird things happen in church sometimes. Someone will start speaking a bunch of baby talk. Then someone translates what was said. They say this is a word right from God to us. This church is real strict. They believe that many things are wrong to do, like using bad language, dancing, attending to movies, drinking, and smoking. If you do things like that you will surely go to hell. Oops, that's bad language. I'm on fire right now. I'm giving Bibles to my friends and telling them about the joy that I have found. All the bad stuff that I have done is forgiven. And I have done many bad things. The Pastor's wife runs the youth group that I'm in. It starts at age 13. She is real strict and I love to ask her questions that she can't answer. She says something like God knows everything and is perfect. Then I ask her if God knew in advance that the Devil would be evil, why did He create him? And if he knew that man was going to sin, why did he create man just to destroy him? I very quickly get on her nerves.

I don't wake up and find all my problems are gone. But I feel like I can at least try to control myself. I'm one really messed up kid. I don't like school. I want to be like the other kids. I want to be like my friends. I see changes in my dad too. He has stopped drinking. This is hard for him. He likes his beer. He used to drink a 6-pack just about every night. He quit smoking 9 years ago. I have never heard my dad swear. He has also quit going to movies. It's hard for me to always be good. I have hormones running through my body. I'm horny all the time. I always seem to get a hard on at the wrong time. There is a HUGE conflict going on in my head. It's like the cartoon with the Devil and the angel both talking, telling you what to do. Sometimes I do good and other times I don't do so good.

One thing I really like about church is they let me sing solos. Have I told you I like to sing? Everyone tells me how good I am. That makes me feel good. My voice hasn't changed yet and I still have my beautiful little boy voice.

I guess we have been getting to be too much for the Pastor's wife, Mrs. Bradley. The Church board hired a youth preacher. His name is Doug Chapman. He is from Toledo, Ohio. He is the tallest man I have ever seen. He has to be 6' 4". His wife's name is Dona. I ask him the same questions I did Mrs. Bradley and he has more patience with me than she did. The first thing that he decides to do is teach us about sex. I can tell he really likes the subject. He says that sex is something special to be shared only between married couples.

I get up early and go out to do my paper route. Sitting on the dining room table is my sex book. I don't know why I'm embarrassed but I am. My dad says to me that I really don't need that and if I have any questions I can just ask him. I tell him that I don't have any questions. He lets me keep my book. I have already read it but it's mine.

I finish the 7th grade with little fanfare. My grades are passing with C's and D's. Math is the only class I do well in. I train a neighborhood kid to do my paper route, and we go out west camping.

I once heard it said that this man told this preacher that he didn't go to church because there are too many hypocrites there. The preacher replied, 'why don't you come so we can have one more?'

This summer I'm a hypocrite. I'm no longer a virgin. I'm NOT going to tell you the details. Love had nothing to do with it. It is pure sex. I also have several intense sexual encounters with other boys. Once again I'm not going to give you any details. I know that they say that it is normal for kids my age to experiment with sex. But I can't remember when I was not experimenting with sex. Afterwards I always feel guilty.

I spend much of my summer playing with Matt Strzyinski. He lives 5 miles from me so I either ride my bike or mini-bike to his house. I'm not his best friend. His best friend is Danny Wagner. Matt has a dirt bike and we ride together. You could say that Matt is my hero. He likes a girl named Charlotte so I like her too. I try to be like him in many ways. If he likes a certain band I like that band too. Matt is Catholic and I go to church with him once in a while. I get along better with Matt's parents than I do my own.

My dad has a key to our church because he has become a board member. He also drives the church bus. I take his key and after everyone goes to bed I sneak out of the house and ride my bike over to the church. I turn on the sound system and sing praises to the lord. And pray and worship. I have done this about 6 times.

Tonight on my way home a car full of kids stops me. They're all drunk and start calling me names. I think I'm about to get beat up. They let me go. That is the last time I make any late night trips to church.

I start the 8th grade. I'm finally back on top. I qualify again for the advanced band class but it is again 1st period and I have "special" gym class that hour. My parents went to school and told them they wanted me in the regular gym class so I could be in the advanced band class. It was agreed and so now I'm in a regular gym class.

I get off to a great start. The class is playing flag football and I can hike the ball better than anyone in the class so the coach make me center. The kid that is playing defensive center is not any bigger than I am, so it's fair.

After about a week of winning all our games, in the locker room my friend Dave Vallier spoke up: "You know that before Bill joined our team we lost every game. Now that he is on our team we have won every game. I think we need to give the credit to him." Several of the other boys agree and it makes me feel good.

I'm in love. Her name is Charlotte Oyerly. I call her up and ask her out on a date. I've only just turned 14 so my dad says he will drop us off at a restaurant and then take us to a movie. Calling her up is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I dial the number and hang up like 10 times before I finally get the nerve to let it go through.

We leave on our date and the first stop is dinner. The restaurant is called 'The Michigan Haus.' It's a German restaurant. We enjoy it. The food is very good. The next stop is the movie, 'The Towering Inferno.' We hold hands but don't kiss or anything. The movie is good, but I get the feeling she is more into Paul Newman than me.

Charlotte and I become great friends. We go bowling and to the movies and just hang out. Even though our relationship is just friends, having a girlfriend is good for my social status at school.

With years of being the mascot - scapegoat I have developed into the class clown. (In case you haven't figured it out yet, my character is Bart Simpson, and my family is the Simpsons.) My life is a situation comedy - big time. To me, life is about having fun and I have plenty of it. I even have some friends that are in the popular group. I'm first chair trumpet in the advanced band, and I'm in the advanced math class. The rest of my classes I couldn't care less about.

1973 has come to an end quietly. It has been a year of changes and yet many things stay the same.

1974

I bought a trumpet from my shop teacher at school. My dad cosigned a loan for me. My band teacher, Mr. Bellon, really likes the trumpet. He says it has a nice tone. It is a Bach Stradivarius. It is made in New York. They don't make that brand there any more and Mr. Bellon says that it is better than the new ones.

I have a really bad cold. I'm so sick that my dad has to do my paper route.

I'm better now. I end up missing almost two weeks of school.

I buy some cigarettes from a cigarette machine. I smoke them back behind the house. It makes me really dizzy and I cough a lot. My sister sees me and tells my parents. My dad grounds me for two weeks and says that if I continue to smoke he is going to ground me until I'm 18. I can't remember the last time I got spanked. Whenever my parents want to punish me, they ground me. I'm really upset that my sister told on me. I can't wait until she goes away to college.

I'm spending more and more time with Charlotte. We're really good friends. Her mother really likes and trusts me. Charlotte lives with her mother in an apartment. I can see her anytime I'm not grounded. We're not in love with each other, just good friends. I think she is in love with Al Pacino and Robert Redford.

We have an assembly at school. The Principal has a bunch of new rules, dress codes, hair codes, and a bunch of other stuff. The student council organizes a sit down strike - the whole school participates. I stay in class and my shop teacher, Mr. Terry, tells me to go join it. I ask him, "Are you going to give me a 'no credit' for the day?" "That's right," he says, "when we go on strike we don't get paid. You have to stick up for what you believe in." I really didn't care one way or the other, so I stay in class. The strike is successful and the Principal changes his mind. I don't lose credit for the day. I find it strange that a teacher would support our little strike. After all, he is part of the establishment.

After four long years I have completed Middle School. Next year I'll be in High School. I was on the top of the pecking order and now I'm just going to be a punk freshman. I go to church all the time but I'm really not any better a person. I still do many bad things. So much has changed and yet so much has stayed the same.