The Big Picture, Book 1

The Sum Of Man

Chapter 1 – The Dream

'This is very confusing,' Bill considers in a dream.  It's Labor Day, 1976, and Bill is well into the REM sleep cycle.  'I recognize this place as a music studio.  Strange, everyone knows who I am!  Stranger still I'm just a little kid.  Wait a second!  I'm here to record music.  I must be - - a child rock star!'

Bill woke up, the dream affected him so much.  The memory of the dream was so vivid he felt that he would never forget it.  He was so impressed with the dream he decided to fantasize about what he dreamed.  In Bill's short lifetime he'd experienced living something he had dreamed about.  As weird as this might sound to some, it wasn't that uncommon for Bill to experience living something in the day that he'd dreamed at night some time before it happened.  Bill believed that he dreamed about the future so that in some way he would be prepared for it when it happened.

So Bill's first conclusion was that in the future he would be a child rock star.  It sounded like a nice fantasy to him.  He just had a few things he needed to work out.  Like how does he get back to the future and far more important things like what his rock star name would be?

Bill sat up and swung his legs onto the cold basement floor of his room.  Bill lived in what his grumpy old grandfather described as a cracker box house.  Upstairs were three small (10 x 12) bedrooms, one bathroom, and a living room, dining room, and kitchen all connected together.  The living room was bigger than the bedrooms, being 12 x 12.  Some of the space had been taken up by a fan-forced wood-burning stove, which took up much of one side of the living room.  There was also a one-car garage, which seldom held a car as it was filled with junk.  Well not really junk.  It had a motorbike, mini-bike, bicycles, charcoal stoves, lawnmowers, and assorted stuff to keep all that kind of stuff going.  The yard was large and took several hours to mow with the push mower.

Bill traded rooms with his dad the previous year and now had the run of the basement.  His bedroom wasn't any bigger than the upstairs ones, but he also had a family room off his room and a toilet.  At 16 going on 17, privacy was more important to Bill than stepping onto a cold floor first thing in the morning.  He couldn’t see so he used his hand to move his long brown hair, which was the style at the time.  Then  he walked to the next room to relieve himself.  Although he's not ugly Bill's not setting any dating records at his local high school.  At 5' 3" tall and 165-170 pounds he is short and fat.  Acne has mostly avoided his face and attacked every other part of his body.

After putting on the clothes he wore yesterday (and he wondered why he had an acne problem) he went upstairs, found his mother on the phone.  This is not unusual as his mom spends almost all her time on the phone.  "You want anything to eat for breakfast, Bill?"  his mom asked him between giggles.

Bill sighed as he thought, 'she knows I never eat breakfast.'  Then he answered, "I might grab a sandwich before I go into work at 1.  I'll be working until 9 so I will eat at work."  His mom seemed to listen while listening to someone else.  His mom (Grace) was 45 years old.  She was also 5'1" and 185 pounds.  Bill saw his mom as totally gullible and knew he could get out of her whatever he wanted.  "Where's Dad?"

"He’s off getting something he going to need for work tomorrow."  Bill's dad (Jim) was 5' 3" and 190 pounds and was 48 years old.  Both his parents worked in schools.  His mom was a music teacher at an elementary school not more than 10 miles away.  His dad was a school social worker but because of his wife's big mouth he now had to commute 90 miles one-way each day.  Back in the old days school started just after Labor Day weekend.  He also had sister (Mary Jane).  She was three years older than him and was in her 3rd year as a music major at the University of Michigan.  In the past, Labor Day weekend was always spent camping with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  The best way to describe Bill's family is to think of the Simpsons.  His dad, Jim Porter, isn't nearly as bad as Homer Simpson, but some of their personality traits are similar.  Marge Simpson is very much like Bill's mom.  Bill is a perfect match for Bart Simpson with Mary Jane, being a perfect match for Lisa.

Bill was determined to do well in school this year.  He knew that high school was half finished and last year was spent getting in trouble drinking.  He'd also started smoking cigarettes at work on breaks.  Work was the one bright spot in Bill's life.  A year ago he was hired as a dishwasher part time, working for $1.95 an hour.  After working very hard, nine months later be was promoted to a short order cook position and was now getting paid $2.25 an hour.  After working full-time all summer, Bill was thinking about buying his first car.  The same 1968 Ford Mustang his dad had given him a year ago now belonged to his sister, and Bill wanted to buy it. 

Normally Bill would be in front of the TV until almost time to go to work.  But today he's obsessed with the dream from last night.  An old cartoon shows a boy sitting at his desk in school but in mind is really imagining himself as a jet pilot.  He is there but in mind he is a thousand miles away.  Before he knows what is going on his teacher has caught him daydreaming and has him standing in the corner.  Now he see himself in a boxing corner fighting the champ.  And he's in trouble again.  'That dream seemed so real,' Bill thought.  'I had the mind I have now but I was only like a little kid.  Now that's a cool concept - being young again with the knowledge of what's going to happen in the future.  I wonder if I'm the first person to ever think of that.'  Bill might not have been the first person that dreamed about living his life over again with the mind he has now, but he sure was convinced that it could happen.  At his age he still believed that dreams could come true - even unrealistic dreams.  What he didn't know was that people went insane, confusing reality and fantasy.  Or they get so caught up in their dreams that they forget to live.  (I stole that line from another story.  I bet you can guess which one.)  Bill spent the rest of his morning daydreaming.  Then his mom drove him to work some four miles away.

Books could be written (or at least a soap opera) on the drama of working in a restaurant.  The type of restaurant that Bill worked in is comparable to a Denny's of today.  The chain is Howard Johnson's and they are almost as dead as Stuckey's restaurants.  Bill does have some good qualities.  He had a great memory for remembering orders.  He had great timing to know what to start cooking first and in what order.  He was basically a mascot and scapegoat so he got along well with others.  He worked very hard and did his best to please his boss and the customers.  All summer he'd been working full time and had enjoyed the extra money and responsibility. 

The restaurant had three managers to cover a 24/7 operation.  Next are the waitresses, then cooks, and finally bus boys / dishwashers.  Every week there is a different schedule.  The managers each have one day a week off.  The business is owned by Mr. Johnson.  Now this isn't the same Howard Johnson that owns the restaurant chain.  It's managed by Vern Davis who we call V.D., short for venereal disease.  He is kind of a dirty old man.  The assistant manager is named Elaine.  The old ladies that have been there for years work the morning shift.  The head cook is Virginia and she usually works with Nudie.  Virginia worked at that Howard Johnson's for more than 20 years.  Nudie worked there almost 15 years.  Then there are Dorothy and Irene to fill out the morning crew.  All four ladies work Sunday mornings, which are the busiest.  Nudie and Virginia have their choice of the remaining morning shifts.  Dorothy and Irene work the remaining morning shifts and afternoons.  Afternoons and evenings are Tom and Bill with fill-ins from the morning with either Irene or Dorothy.  Nick, the night manager, also cooks on third shift.

Bill and Tom have been friends for many years.  They are very competitive and enjoy playing basketball, baseball, football, and other sports activities together.  Their friendship started out with a fight in which Tom won.  Bill was also paperboy for Dorothy and Nudie before he went to work for Howard Johnson's.  But it was Tom who went to bat for him with Vern Davis.

When Bill arrived he found Nudie standing by the grill smoking a cigarette.  She was in her 60's and was not easy to work with.  Even though Nudie wasn't supposed to smoke while cooking she often did it anyway.  Bill went back to the time clock and punched in.  Then he went outside to the cigarette machine and inserted $1.25 for a pack of cigarettes.  Even though there was a warning sticker on the front of the cigarette machine about minors breaking the law to use the machine, there was no one going to enforce the regulation and few paid any attention to it.  Bill walked back in the kitchen and found Nudie with her apron already off and her handbag in hand.  "Your special for tonight is meatloaf.  You need to make some mashed potatoes and heat up some gravy."  And with that Nudie left.  It was Bill's lucky day as Dorothy was working with him.  Of all the cooks Dorothy was his favorite.  Bill also had a favorite waitress, her name was Becky.  Maxine was the dishwasher.  Maxine's nickname was ‘Box’ because she had this box that she kept everything in.

There are always many things in a kitchen that need to be done.  The grill needs to be cleaned after the morning breakfast is finished.  The steam-table needs to be filled with hot water so vegetables and foods can be kept warm.  The pantry needs to be restocked with hamburger patties, sliced ham, and many, many other things.  Potatoes need to be peeled and processed into hash browns.  French fries need to be portioned into 4 oz. bags.  The kitchen needs to be wiped down and cleaned.  Then the area needs to be swept and mopped.  At the same time orders are being placed in the kitchen, most of the orders being lunch items and easy to prepare.  Bill really enjoyed this work and considered it easy money.  Even after eight hours he felt refreshed.  After punching out he went home.

Bill tossed and turned and after a couple of hours finally fell asleep.  The whole time he was considered the dream he had the night before.  He'd already figured out that if he was young again with the mind he had now he would know all the songs that are going to be hits.  Through out his life he'd wanted to be like Michael Jackson or Donny Osmond.  Bill's always had the talent but never the opportunity.  Through this fantasy he now had both.  Finally he fell asleep.

Bill hated school.  For as long as he could remember school has been totally boring.  Administrators repeat the same stuff over and over again year after year and add a few new things.  Bill also refused to do homework.  The only time he worked on anything was during class.  He did well on tests and usually ended up with D's.  He was not part of any social structure at his school.  He was definitely not a jock, or popular, or one of the brains.  What he was is the class clown.  He spent almost all this time bringing attention to himself.  He really didn't have any close friends because of his drinking last year and they were scared off by his behavior.

There were a lot of reasons for Bill to drink, smoke, and do drugs.  One of the reasons was everyone else at the time was doing it.  Another resulted from Bill’s self-esteem.  You also must consider the fact that it helped draw attention to him even if it was negative attention.  But the bottom line was Bill Porter did drugs because Bill Porter could do drugs.  During his junior year in high school Bill made friends but they were all doing drugs.  By the time of semester break Bill passed his classes with grades no higher than a D.  The next semester Bill failed every class.  His drug of choice was marijuana -- he smoked several times a day and to excess.  He drank to get drunk at least four days a week.  He experimented with LSD, PCP, but not drugs involving needles.

It was only a matter of time before Bill lost everything.  After getting fired from three jobs, going to jail and parents ready to throw him out of the house, he dropped out of school to go to a drug and alcohol rehab.  At the same time he was getting deeper and deeper in his fantasy world.  And he thought he could handle it.

Several weeks after his dream Bill decided his rock-and-roll star name would be Dreamweaver.  He heard the song by Garry Wright and kind of thought it fit.  The next day his friend Mike made the statement that he's just a Dreamweaver.  This freaked Bill out.  Not a day or two went by without Bill hearing another song that also freaked him out.  Songs like "Carry on Our Wayward Son" by Kansas, or "Dream on" by Aerosmith.  When the album “Grand Illusion” by Styx was released Bill totally freaked out.  It was as if every song on the album was written about him.  He still hadn't told anybody about his fantasy but he was also totally convinced it was real.  It wouldn’t be until his first semester in college and Psychiatry 101 that he would find out he wasn’t the only one that fell into this trap.  But we are getting ahead of the story.